Week 1:
After the briefing of the kick off, I was very excited to do this project. Especially, I have so many rituals and so many experiences. I did not know where to begin. All I know is I want to do something that has a meaning for me and others. I don’t know what. I want to use my culture and try to tell others what it means to have a ritual.
This week, we have a chance to visit the botanic garden. Unfortunately, due to my mental illness, I could not attend that day. But I went there on my own a few days later and I also asked the classmates what they did when they were there. When I enter the garden, I didn’t know what I wanted to do because it is quite different then go there with the classmates and they all had a workshop (and also meditation?). In my mind, I thought I’m going to use my interpretation of the space, the smell and the feeling/emotion from that very moment. Because I cannot use the exact same method of everyone else and expect the result to be the same. I walked around and I didn’t know what to do, I think I was trying to find a place where I’m comfortable to be. At the some point I ended up in the greenhouse where all the tropical plants were. The smell of this specific space reminds me of home. When my grandma took me to the waterfall near our house. The smell of the waterfall, the monsoon season and the tropical rain. I stayed here for 2 hours and at the end before I left. I start crying because I had so many flashback of good memories. Happy memories.

Week 2:
I started to collect the rituals I’ve experienced and still do it regularly. The most of them are from Thailand. When I grew up, I woke up at 5 am to help my grandma cook, so we can give the food to the monks. The monks will walked pass our house around 6 am, they collect alms. This ritual is a Buddhist ritual, but it does not mean if you’re a buddhist you have to do it. It is your choice. We called this in Thai “Tak bat”. It means to present food to a monk or Buddhist teacher. It’s an important part of culture in Thailand. The ritual of giving alms to monks is a way for Thai people to give back to Buddhist monks, who in turn dedicate their lives to teaching others about being good and virtuous. It’s not charity in the Western sense. Thai people see it as a virtue. Giving alms to monks is about showing goodness to others, doing good deeds, and being a good person.
I also prefer eat more vegetables but it does not mean that I would call myself a vegetarian. Every month I would eat meat for a week, the rest of month I would be a vegetarian. I’m doing this because I feel like I don’t wanna limit myself. Yet again, that one week of the month I don’t always eat meat. Some month, I don’t eat meat at all. This idea came from the vegetarian festival.
The Phuket Vegetarian Festival is a colourful event held in October every year, celebrating the Chinese community's belief that abstinence from meat and various stimulants during the ninth lunar month of the Chinese calendar will help them obtain good health and peace of mind. The festival is famous for its extreme celebrations. Though the origins of the festival are unclear, it is commonly thought that the festival was bought to Phuket by a wandering Chinese opera group who fell ill with malaria while performing on the island. They decided to adhere to a strict vegetarian diet and pray to the Nine Emperor Gods to ensure purification of the mind and body
My goals is still trying to be fully vegan, but I still like chicken, that’s why I’m half vegetarian. That sounds straight up ridiculous.
The last ritual I will be putting in my process is the Songkran festival. Songkran is Thailand’s most famous festival. An important event on the Buddhist calendar, this water festival marks the beginning of the traditional Thai New Year. The name Songkran comes from a Sanskrit word meaning ‘passing’ or ‘approaching’. Songkran is held in April every year, the Thai used to celebrate for the whole month. Because of capitalism they changed to 7 days and then 3 days. Songkran is like Christmas, we go back to our parents or elderly to get their blessing. By using water with roses and Jasmin flower, it symbolises honour and loyal.
These are rituals I’m familiar with, I’m only explaining a few, otherwise I can write a whole dissertation about it.


Week 3:
This week my grandfather passed away and I cannot stop thinking about religion and mental illness. Because I’m suffering from anxiety and depression makes me think about healing and buddhism a lot. I want to use two elements together as one, the western element and the Thai element.

This week was one of those week that I feel weak and no hope. I know there’s a lot of people out there who suffer the same thing as I do. When I was in Thailand, whenever I feel like this. I would go to the temple. To do good deeds, such as donating money for the temple, give food to the monks, give food to the street dogs and do some meditation. Sometimes, I could just go and talk to the monks. The monks don’t specifically gives me advice for what I’m dealing with. They mostly tell you to be aware of things that you do. Believe in good karma, if you’re being a good person, no matter what you’re dealing with, you have to believe that you’ll get through it. Just because you know in your heart, you’re a good person. When you’re talking to a peaceful person, you’ll feel better.
In the western countries on the other hand, don’t have a meaningful ritual like the countries as south east Asia (in my opinion). People who feel depressed would go see a therapist, but sometimes they don’t fully understand their patient. From my own experience, my therapist told if I ever wanted to let it out I can just write down in a diary. In the first period when I’m doing this, I feel better. But there were the period that I had to write down everyday for the whole month. I just felt even worse, because I still see the previously pages how I felt the day before. So it wouldn’t go away.
There was one thing that I saw in Thailand’s temple was the fire pit of the enemy. You can write down your enemy’s name and burn it in the fire pit. The purpose of this, is to make your enemy in your life disappear like burning your enemy away. To me, it sounds very hateful.
I came up with an idea to recreate this method into something good. I wish to combine the element of writing down the bad energy on paper and then burn it. So now I can finally feel free from my own bad energy.

Week 4:

I’ve wrote down my diary for a week to burn it for the outcome video. I’ve found my diary from 2011 til 2018 this will be in the video as well. I also have some old video I took last year, because I wanted to make an after movie when I was in Thailand. I never finish this video because I didn’t know what kind of purpose it would be. Now I have.